Americans Would Rather Vote For Negan

Posted By on October 24, 2016

The potential first lady, Lucille, doing her thing on a Trump supporter zombie.

The potential first lady, Lucille, doing her thing on a Trump supporter zombie.

Well, no one saw that coming. After a very tense night of wondering who was next, American’s decided that they like Negan more than their current choices for president, especially Donald Trump.

“I like that he speaks his mind. I mean, he said that he would punish people for acting out against him, and he did. He’s a straight shooter, that guy. You know exactly what you’re going to get, and I respect that,” said Sherri Chasmer, a Negan supporter who was in the middle of crafting herself her very own barbed-wire bat. “You can’t argue with honesty, you know?”

Even despite the fact that he caved in the head of not one, but two of America’s favorite people that have joined Rick Grimes after the zombie apocalypse, his popularity is still at an all time high.

“I know he does terrible things, treats women like garbage and has bashed in the heads of some decent people, but that man has charisma. You just have to like him. He’s quick with a joke and he doesn’t really cut with the B.S. like all the other politicians. I really get him. He feels like one of us. He curses like a sailor, says filthy things all the time and it never feels like he’s trying to be someone he isn’t. I can respect that in a leader. I just hope that if he becomes president that I never have to meet Lucille,” echoed another Negan supporter who asked to remain nameless, in case Negan’s favorite first lady, Lucille, felt a little thirsty for some cranial blood.

So, presented with the options of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, there could be a serious contender for the write-in vote with Negan. The man with no last name would be the first confirmed murderer to win the presidency, if that ever happened, and also the first president with just one name. Yes, Obama does have a first name. Go look it up, you savages.

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