Complete Moron Impresses Millions By Reading Out Loud For An Hour

Posted By on March 1, 2017

King Moron stands in front of buffoons and wows them.

King Moron stands in front of buffoons and wows them.

We are nothing, if not a nation of easily impressed people, but a new low was set as the standard last night, during President Donald Trump’s address to the Senate. Applauses were held long and hard as none of the words spoken seemed to even matter.

Sure, there were tons of inaccurate statistics thrown out like they were anything remotely close to reality.

Sure, there was tons of fear mongering and overt anti-immigrant speech, despite trying to act like he was trying to bring together people of all races and backgrounds.

Sure, Donald Trump didn’t sound nearly as idiotic as he usually does, but that was because he was reading off of a speech that some other idiots that are better at writing wrote for him.

The internet was flooded with comments like, “He reads good!” and “Wow, he didn’t pronounce any words wrong!”

The further the reading went, the more impressed folks were with statements like, “It’s been 30 minutes and I have no f*cking idea what he is talking about, but he sure sounds less like a backwards talking psychopath right now. Maybe he’s finally fit to be President?”

Or my favorite, “I didn’t vote for this scumbag. I hate him. I wish his face was smashed in with a ball-peen hammer, but he sounded great tonight! I didn’t know he could read!”

So what was formerly the heralded nation of immigrants is now the land of low expectations and nation of the easily impressed. Join us next week, when we celebrate 47 days of Trump not eating human babies as a President.

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  • Phedericus

    The most accurate comment I’ve seen on the situation. I don’t know if it’s more sad or more hilarious.

  • friedcheese

    Calling the President a moron and ‘a punk ass bitch’ is hardly the best you can do. Be satirical , not just mean ffs.

    • It’s like you haven’t read anything but the headlines.

      • friedcheese

        The headlines are not satirical. They are just name-calling, and that is sad. Do better, be funny.

        • It’s like you didn’t pay attention to the part where I said that it seems like all you read were the headlines and then wrote something specifically only about the headlines.

          • friedcheese

            You brought up the headlines, yes. And what I wrote applied to them as well. The headline should be funny, like a punchline. Satire is about humor, not just being mean spirited. Are people supposed to laugh at this tripe, or get off from the personal nature of the attacks? It’s not funny, and satire should be. What part of not funny is not getting through? The bird is dead, sir.

          • friedcheese

            And one more thing: Both of your replies start with “It’s like you…” So I ask, when did this start to be about me? Leave me out of this, I did not write these articles ffs.

          • This was shared over 28k times and viewed over a half a million times. If I went by your rules on what satire is, because you’re obviously the arbiter of all things satire, especially on a website with over 110 entries, I’d obviously be rich and famous. It would only never be about you if you didn’t write a comment here. That’s how this works. It’s almost like you’ve never written comments on the internet before.

          • friedcheese

            I stand by my comment. Have a nice day Rene.

  • Rev Bindy

    insulting to morons

  • artios48

    That description sounds like Obama. Do you remember him when the teleprompter stopped? Technology is wonderful … when it works.

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