Dumpster Blown Up After Being Mistaken For Donald Trump
The Chelsea area of New York city was rocked by a large explosion last night, injuring nearly 30 people and putting thousands in a rush to find a safe way home. As streets were crowded, busses stalled and subways stopped, many were left wondering, “who would do such a thing and why?”
With no clear motive for the attack, police have narrowed their suspected culprits to a few who may have made a mistake with their targeting. As has been widely reported, the explosion took place inside of a large garbage dumpster. What really happened, however, has not been so widely reported.
As the smoke cleared, more debris around the blast showed that some political pamphlets, buttons and t-shirts were bundled with the improvised explosive device. With it also came a note that had the hashtag “#nevertrump” printed on it, repeatedly.
“While we are certain this was not an act of terrorism, it certainly was an act of terrorism. What I mean to say is that this was not an international terrorist incident. This is purely home grown, as if it were part of a much larger planned attack, this one wouldn’t have just blown up a dumpster. I mean, sure, everyone in the area was scared witless about the explosion, filling them with complete terror, but it’s not really, you know, terrorism by brown people or something. I mean, that’s real terrorism,” said Mayor De Blasio on the subject.
The police believe that the attacker had one target in mind and was misguided and blinded by rage. The suspect apparently saw a garbage dumpster and thought it was Donald Trump, which is fairly easy to understand. That makes this situation more grave because this was apparently an assassination attempt, not just some random amateur incinerator authority buff, getting his jollies.
The police have asked that all residents and business break up their garbage into smaller groups of piles and bags, as to not be confused with any other much hated political figures at the moment.
“There is a hate-blindness that happens every election, where anything that remotely reminds you of your least favorite political figure can become a target of danger. It’s not always garbage, but with Trump it most certainly will be mostly garbage that is targeted. We want you to remain safe and secure, but please separate your trash into smaller piles so people don’t get tempted to attack.” Chief James P. O’Neill was quick to also offer hand outs of current pictures of Donald Trump so that people know what he looks like in order to not confuse him for large deposits of trash in the future.