Green Party’s Jill Stein Flew To Mount Doom Instead Of Columbus

Posted By on September 4, 2016

One does not simply walk into Mordor, but you can fly there, round trip for pretty cheap.

One does not simply walk into Mordor, but you can fly there, round trip for pretty cheap.

While everyone is talking about the possibility of Hillary Clinton having some form of dementia, somehow, the fact that the Green Party’s Jill Stein wound up in a completely different city than her campaign rally stop was located, has escaped the attention and ire of millions. Stein’s airplane somehow wound up completely bypassing Columbus, Ohio and making her way through Mordor and into Mount Doom.

While we’ve all flirted with the notion that visiting a location of Middle Earth might be fun, exhilarating and allow us to see some breathtaking vistas, most of us would not wind up there by mistake. A customary trip to Mount Doom usually happens on foot, while accompanied by 8 other members of a fellowship. You generally will bring the usual camping details, as well as some weapons, just in case you need to protect yourself and maybe some Lembas bread. It’s a long trip, treacherous and something you would never do by mistake. It would be the same as mistakenly travelling to Detroit or Cincinnati. It just doesn’t happen.

Well, it happened. Whether the flight crew was trying to sabotage Jill Stein’s political career, attempt an assassination or just really wanted to see what the hell she would do at the edge of a volcano, somehow a short flight turned into a much longer ordeal. While there are no details yet on how this mix-up happened, rumors are scrambling about that she was in possession of some jewelry that may have compelled the pilot to fly off course. The potential for it to have been an attempt at a robbery seems very slim, but under the circumstances, anything is possible.

Her supporters were very upset, since they were forced to wait an extra two hours for her to finally make it to her own rally in Columbus, but they were not left empty handed. Dwarven shields and swords were given out to help satiate the anger and frustration felt by her followers. The campaign also ordered pizza that was delivered by a swarm of Domino’s Death Drones which both allowed them to eat as well as try out their new armaments.

Finally, when Jill Stein appeared in front of the podium, she seemed to appear just about out of nowhere, addressing her crowd initially in first person plural, confusing the crowd until she cleared her throat and started all over again. Her campaign promised this sort of mistake would never happen again, but we won’t really know until this whole election is over.

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