Kellyanne Conway Confirmed To Be From Alternate Universe Constantly Stuck In Opposite Day

Posted By on February 8, 2017

Kellyanne Conway takes a walk in the park.

Kellyanne Conway takes a walk in the park.

Kellyanne Conway has said a lot of questionable things, including flat out lies and made up events she calls “alternative facts,” but what if they really are all true? What if all the things she said are real and the Bowling Green Massacre actually happened, just not in our reality?

With alternative facts come alternative realities, and it seems we may have stumbled upon the largest secret that the Trump cabinet does not want you to know.

Thanks to some test of Conway’s genetic material, (we can not divulge how we were able to procure it, but it wasn’t pretty) vigorous scientific testing has been done on it and a discovery was made. There is apparent spacial differences in her cell structure. She looks basically like you or eye, but the positive and negative charges in her cells are reversed. This is absolute proof that she comes from an alternate reality, an outside dimension where up is down, black is white and dumb is smart. It explains so much and changes everything.

Akin to the Bizarro Universe of DC Comics, Kellyanne experiences an opposite day, everyday. Saying the Bowling Green massacre happened over here means that it did not. Back where she is from, that makes sense. Here, it requires us to decipher all of her words.

Originally, she said she would not back Donald Trump as a Presidential candidate… then she did. She is now his loudest voice, speaking out to the press. Once again, we just didn’t understand her reverse speaking. This revelation does bring about some interesting problems, however.

Is an interdimensional being considered to be an illegal alien? If so, what does that mean, with Trump being so anti-immigration? Granted, she’s still a blonde, white woman, which he apparently gives a pass to for just about anything he talks against, but it’s still something that needs to be brought up.

At least now we will never be confused by her press statements again.

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