KKK Refuses To Stop Wearing White After Labor Day
While The Ku Klux Klan has been behind the times in just about all manners of thinking, the white supremacists have stuck to their one fashion forward idea for the past hundred years or so: wearing white all year round.
While it was considered a faux pas by socialite and fashionista standards of the 1800s, forward, not wearing white after Labor Day is an American trend that is seldom adhered to. You would think that a group like the KKK that has such backwards ideas, such as burning crosses on lawns, lynching blacks and Mexicans, hating anyone that isn’t white and wearing robes with hoods on any day that isn’t Halloween, would still want to adhere to the social norms of the early 19th century. Nope, not these guys.
“Wearing white is right! It is our God given right in these United States and we, as a people, will not adhere to any silly social norm. What difference does it make what time of the year it is? White works year round. Sure, it doesn’t give the appearance of slimming and can sometimes get stained when we go out in the rain, but you can’t tell me not to wear it just because the summer is coming to an end. I don’t care what those harpy W.A.S.P. women say, white isn’t reserved for their wedding dresses and fancy dinner wear anymore. This is 2016 and if I want to wear white all year round, I can. Of course, I don’t wear white every day, I mean my police uniform doesn’t have a stitch of white on it, but these colors don’t run. Like, literally, there is no color in a white robe so I don’t have to worry about it running. I have to keep it completely separate from my sergeant uniform because those colors totally run in the wash. Don’t ever use color safe bleach with a uniform like that, ever. It’s total hogwash. Actually, no, I take that back, I would never use that to wash my hogs either. Neither my motorcycle nor my pigs out back deserve such treatment. I’m not some kind of cold, uncaring monster, you know?” The unidentified KKK member went on to also mention that the robes worked year round for temperature control.
“It shades you from the sun in the summer and keeps you warm in the winter. It’s really all purpose. I don’t know why more people don’t wear it. I mean I guess I do know why, but it wouldn’t be the first time someone co-opts another culture’s fashion trends to act like it’s their own. My ex-wife got all crazy with the braids in her hair after Bo Derek had that hairdo in that movie Ten but I put the kibosh on that real quick. I told her she had to watch out for it because that was obviously some negro hair appropriation. Man, that was a close one. These robes, though, should be white year-round. Yeah, there are some guys that get to wear different colors because of their level in the hierarchy of the Klan, but what you don’t know is that they’re wearing all white underneath that. Don’t tell them I told you that! Hahaha!”
We also asked him why all the words in the name use the letter K, like if they were objects or characters in a Mortal Kombat game, but he had no real good answer for us.