Mike Pence To Say More Shocking Things Just To Get Noticed

Posted By on September 13, 2016

Contrary to popular belief, the White House was not destroyed by alien invaders.

Contrary to popular belief, the White House was not destroyed by alien invaders.

We’ve already told you that no one really knows who Mike Pence is and that his haircut gets more press than he does, and now it seems as though he has also taken notice. Trying to steal headlines, remain relevant and shock the public into finally recognizing a picture of him, or his name, Mike Pence is on the attack and saying some pretty crazy things.

After his remark that Hillary Clinton is not suited for the White House because she called racist voters “racists,” he now has started a campaign trail of other gems and nuggets of joy and wisdom.

“Democrats are bad people. They like cheese wheels, touching themselves and weird flavored sodas. Strawberry is not a standard soda flavor. That’s evil, disgusting and really damn weird.” This newest outburst by Mike Pence is not his first foray into saying just about anything to get some sort of reaction. Much like the taco truck fiasco, it backfired with people posting comments on twitter like, “mmm, cheese wheels” and “Don’t you wanna Fanta?”

Before this latest non-event, he also made a few other statements of ridiculousness:

  • “I prefer my toast to be butter side down, so it touches my tongue when I eat it.”
  • “Sure, black lives matter, but how about their deaths? Don’t their deaths matter even more?”
  • “Swedish fish aren’t fish, nor are they really from Sweden. Do we want that in our country? Those lies?”
  • “I stand by my decision to not sit. Standing is the thing I do best. These legs, they do stand.”
  • “Some people ask me if I’m a dog person or if I’m a cat person. I’m terrified of even just thinking about such things. Human/animal hybrids should be illegal.”
  • “I feel like the best way to eat fried chicken is on a private jet. Nothing really gets you closer to knowing what poor people feel like than that.”
  • “My record should do the talking. Look at my record. Look at it. Wait like 15 minutes. It will start talking. It took me to not drink water for 13 days but I got it to talk.”
  • “Hillary Clinton is a liar. Not those little things that bards play in Dungeons & Dragons, that’s a different kind of liar.”
  • “We need to make America great again. We need to stop worrying about what sports team name seems racist and just get rid of those people who are complaining about it. Remember when people didn’t complain about stuff like that, especially since we didn’t allow them to get out of the fields till they were done with their work? That’s what we need again.”

His disconnect with reality is clear, concise and disturbing, but still, no one is paying attention to him. In fact, I almost started falling asleep as I was writing this, almost as if it were like I was listening to an audiobook about Pyramids read by Ben Carson.

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