Racism Dubbed “The New Black” But Doesn’t Like Being Called Black

Posted By on October 6, 2016

Is this what they mean when they say "Make America Great Again?"

Is this what they mean when they say “Make America Great Again?”

Elle Magazine has debuted is fashion forward picks for the fall and winter and beyond what is en vogue for those with different body types, they let us know what the election outcome will do to our glamour landscape.

Under a Hillary Clinton presidency, solid color pant suits will be the new rage, as well as a whole slew of shoulder length hairstyles. While I expected spray tanner to be on the menu if Donald Trump becomes president, that is not in fact the case.

“In a Trump America, racism is the new black,” Elle editor-in-chief Roberta Myers told us. “Expect white cloaks, black armbands and as little color or dark clothing as possible, except for the black armbands. Swastikas will be all the rage, cartoon depictions from the 30s and 40s of different races will be on knit tees and Urban Outfitters will be selling Ghettopoly again.”

The irony of this, of course, is that racism doesn’t want to be dubbed the new black. It prefers the term, “fashion pure.” When we spoke to racism it had a few choice words for Elle.

“I don’t get where they think it’s okay to call me black. I haven’t done anything wrong to Elle. How dare they compare us to those colored folk? What’s next, are they going to call me a Kraut, zipperhead or wetback? This is just wrong. You can’t take my words away from me! That’s MY word! I am fashion pure and that’s all there is to it. I’m the one that told the KKK to use white sheets. That’s my work. It’s been long standing and going on for decades. Everyone knows it’s my work! Pure, white sheets for our pure white brothers! Ever walk into an Apple store and wonder why it looks so clean? Because I talked to Steve Jobs before he died and told him to make that room as white as possible. He took it way literally and decided to mostly hire only white folks as well, which I applauded, but that’s not even what I meant. Still, that’s MY work! Give credit where credit is due! I will never be the new black. I’m way too prominent in power to be black. Think about how many times you’ve thought about the subjugation of an entire people and thought, ‘wow, that’s all because of Racism.’ Well, it was! That as all my work! I don’t need to be the new anything, I’m already fashion pure!”

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