Walmart And McDonald’s Are Set To Own Your Highways In A Trump America

Posted By on November 5, 2016

The only murdering clown that we really know of in 2016.

The only murdering clown that we really know of in 2016.

Do you think you might have enough couch change to compete with some big heavy hitters to own or sponsor a private road system in the United States? Maybe you’re like the rest of the 98% that barely has money to afford even having a couch. Well, it doesn’t really matter, because you’re totally going to be outbid by Walmart, McDonald’s, Starbucks and the people who make the Snuggie for ownership of Route 66 if Donald Trump wins the presidency and gets his way.

Imagine, if you will, traveling down the turnpike and every 5 yards you see the Golden Arches painted on the roadway ahead. How about a billboard for Walmart every mile, even though there isn’t a Walmart within 40 miles of you? Maybe a clever advertisement, painted on the road in a way that it looks like it’s animated as long as you’re going over 50 miles per hour. Is she going to take her top off? Nope, it’s an ad for coffee. Now you’ve crashed your car. Now you’re dead.

See? Donald Trump wants you to die. This is the kind of thing he wants to see happening if he wants to privatize the roads to the highest bidder. I can’t even imagine what such a bidding war like that would look like, but I bet you it would smell to high hell of cigars, sweat and way too much Axe body spray. Axe would own some roads too, by the way, and they would all smell like roofies, rape and regret.

 

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